A few days ago I was driving up the street thinking to myself how I desperately need to find someone I can talk to about intellectual things. I feel intellectually starved right now in my life. Where do I go? Who do I talk to? I seriously have no one. As I was driving I was thinking how nice it would be to have some kind of group or person that I could just unleash myself on, and who could give it right back to me: challenge me, push me. I really have no where to go right now.
As I homeschool my kids, I have been reawakening thoughts and intellectual yearnings that have been dormant in myself for a while. I teach my kids stuff, but they are just sponges and they really don't "get it" yet. And then as I talk to people in my life, everything just feels so superficial. It is merely surface stuff and I always feel a bit hollow and empty.
I really have been feeling this way for quite sometime and on Saturday I just snapped. We were at dinner with one of Rinar's childhood friends and Mike, Catye, Leah, and Jamie were there also. We started talking and I was foolish enough to think that I could talk about "deep" things with Rinar's friend. As I started to really get my mind and heart going, I could hear everyone start to make fun of me. It is not the first time it has happened. No. It happens a lot to me. I just try to ignore it because I want to be myself. But I can't. I am made a butt of everyone's jokes.
Where do I go? What do I do? I feel like I want to explode.