Friday, July 31, 2009

I Think I am Drowning

Do you ever have those times in your life when you just want to escape? For obvious reasons, I feel that way right now. I can't do anything. I went to Sam's Club this afternoon and shopped for about 15 minutes. When I got home, I was completely wiped out. The feeling never really went away and getting a simple dinner on the table was quite an accomplishment. Putting a belligerent toddler to bed was like climbing Mt. Everest.

Regardless of being pregnant or not, there are times in my life when I feel very inadequate and a bit lost, if you will. I really feel that way right now. I just feel unsatisfied and so I want to escape in any way that I can: mindless television, dumb computer games, sleep as late as I can possibly get away with, without the house falling apart. The last one is always a good tactic because then the day seems a little bit shorter. Ugh! Besides being an incubator, I feel like I accomplish nothing. It is frustrating. Of course, I know it is because I am pregnant, but I still feel this way.

But I really am trapped right now. Physically, I am about as useful as a manatee on a ferris wheel. And I really can't go anywhere because it is so friggin' hot outside. Plus, we live so far away from anything, that a day drive somewhere will only move me to an even hotter location.

Usually my husband rescues me, but he is getting in his last hurrah before these last few months of pregnancy. He is fishing and golfing with his brothers this weekend. I won't see him till late Saturday night. Please, I am not griping about an unfeeling husband or anything. I am glad he can get this in before things get really harry around here. But it is still hard not having him here to help me. There is only so much effective yelling you can do while lying down on a couch.

Help! I think I am drowning.

Well, off to bed.


Likes Chocolate said...

Here is a great tip to surviving till the end of your pregnancy. If you can't afford a nannie, girls under the age of 12 make good playmates for your children and are very helpful. When I was pregnant with Winston I enlisted a little girl from the ward to play with Harris who was 2 2/2 at the time and I could not keep up with. I paid her a couple dollars and hour because really she wasn't alone and usually treated her to McDonalds at the end. Hang in there, anyone who homeschools and has 3 children under the age of 8 deserves some slack. We don't have to be Wonder Women at all times.

Angie said...

I used to hate it when Lyf went hunting or fishing and now I am finally to the point that my kids are not so hard to deal with. I can leave Bethany home with them for an hour and then I can face the whole household thing again. I don't completely know how you feel because of the double bubble you are carrying around but things will get better probably not very soon though. In two years you will be good to go. I know that doesn't help now. Don't be too hard on yourself and hang in there. Rinar is grounded after this.

Eve said...

Oh, I know how you feel. Soren keeps trying to get my attention by closing the laptop! Oh, the guilt. I know I keep wanting the computer to "take me away", too. Any other escapes you haven't tried yet? I know being hot and pregnant over here I get really frustrated when I have used all my "escape routes" and now I am bored, darn it! With it being so HOT, I wonder how we survived the summers. Seriously, we do things before 9:30 a.m. and after 8 p.m. and i between is a Loooooooong day.

Maybe watching some good movies at home could help? Pop popcorn and treat yourself as much as you can, let the kids watch TV or DVDs so you can be alone. I think I may take my own advice today, esp. with Soren waking up every 2 hours for who-knows-what reason last night. Anyway, hang in there, and know you are NOT alone!

Lauren said...

I'm sorry Kelly! What a roller-coaster ride it is! I just wanted to say how awesome you are! I have a friend who is expecting right now and she has a girl from church help her a lot! The kids have fun, things get done, and she feels better. It doesn't have to be every day, but it sure could be a nice lift from time to time.

I'm wishing you well (and energy). I hope your life preserver (a.k.a. Rinar) returns home safely! :) Having amazing husbands/fathers sure does help A LOT!

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