When Panic Sets In

It occasionally happens to me. I get this panicky, I can't breathe feeling. It usually comes on in the afternoon.  It doesn't happen too much, maybe 3 or 4 times a month, but it is a hard feeling to overcome. Today was one of those days.


I had decided this morning that I wanted to get my house cleaned.  No matter what.  But there was a failure to launch.  It might have been the incessant whining, the never-ending demands for my attention, the recalcitrant 2 year-old bladder, the "art project" in the bathroom, or the put-away toys that kept coming back for an encore.


I just became absolutely overwhelmed and the panic started to rise from deep within me.  I couldn't handle it, and I couldn't find my Norwex rag anywhere to get the urine off the carpet. I just couldn't get it going. No matter how much I walked around putting things away or wiping something down, it just didn't seem to be getting any better.


Oh, the agony!


Somehow or another, I was able to turn things around and the house looked tolerably well when Rinar walked through the door.  But sheesh...it was an angst-filled afternoon.


All I can say is, I was able to go on a date with my husband, my kids are asleep, and I can hear my own thoughts.  In other words...


I'M ALIVE!!!

I Think I am Drowning

Do you ever have those times in your life when you just want to escape? For obvious reasons, I feel that way right now. I can't do anything. I went to Sam's Club this afternoon and shopped for about 15 minutes. When I got home, I was completely wiped out. The feeling never really went away and getting a simple dinner on the table was quite an accomplishment. Putting a belligerent toddler to bed was like climbing Mt. Everest.

Regardless of being pregnant or not, there are times in my life when I feel very inadequate and a bit lost, if you will. I really feel that way right now. I just feel unsatisfied and so I want to escape in any way that I can: mindless television, dumb computer games, sleep as late as I can possibly get away with, without the house falling apart. The last one is always a good tactic because then the day seems a little bit shorter. Ugh! Besides being an incubator, I feel like I accomplish nothing. It is frustrating. Of course, I know it is because I am pregnant, but I still feel this way.

But I really am trapped right now. Physically, I am about as useful as a manatee on a ferris wheel. And I really can't go anywhere because it is so friggin' hot outside. Plus, we live so far away from anything, that a day drive somewhere will only move me to an even hotter location.

Usually my husband rescues me, but he is getting in his last hurrah before these last few months of pregnancy. He is fishing and golfing with his brothers this weekend. I won't see him till late Saturday night. Please, I am not griping about an unfeeling husband or anything. I am glad he can get this in before things get really harry around here. But it is still hard not having him here to help me. There is only so much effective yelling you can do while lying down on a couch.

Help! I think I am drowning.

Well, off to bed.