A Time for Goodbyes

Rinar's grandmother passed away on Thursday morning. She was 94 years old. Over the past ten years her whole world has been closing in on her. By the time she died, she couldn't see, couldn't really hear, and couldn't remember anything. Death was such a release for her.  But still, knowing that this is really a good thing, it still makes me sad to know she is gone. We really loved her. She was such a rock for Rinar's family and for the community in Laie, Hawaii. Fortunately, the funeral isn't until the end of the month, so Rinar should be able to go and say goodbye.

We went to St. George this weekend. I really wanted to do a mini vacation but we ended up doing the same old stuff. Oh well. The little kids stayed with Nordel so that they could play together. I stayed with my grandmother. Raef and Zach joined me. And then Rinar stayed at his mom's house with Noelle. Margaret was visiting Linda, which was why we split up into so many groups. 

I was able to have a nice visit with my grandmother. She is getting very old and very frail very quickly. It was hard to watch her try to stand up. Her poor body just makes her miserable right now. There is absolutely no bend in her feet, toes, ankles...nothing. She has a very hard time moving around at all. But grandma is as sharp as ever, although her voice does not always agree with her.  I felt myself getting a  bit teary watching her struggle so much. I know that my time with her is very short. I am really going to miss her when she is gone.  I have been so blessed to be able to spend so much time with her these past 20 years. I cherish all of the time and hope I have a little bit longer before she passes away and joins my grandpa on the other side of the veil.

Rinar and I were able to go to the St. George Arts Festival for a little while on Saturday. Linda and Noelle also came. It was really fun. They had live music that was enjoyable and the art was fantastic. We watched a group of 5 siblings perform on violin while they danced and clogged and sang. They were quite a bunch of performers. I was really impressed. Although the music was not terribly difficult to play, their stage presence was outstanding. After the festival we met up with Nordel's family for some bowling. Our kids had a blast and Harry was adamant that I watch him while he bowled. He told me that he wanted me to watch him forever. Oh, my heart.

On Sunday, we ate dinner at Lyf's house with all of his siblings. It was a lot of fun catching up with everyone. We ate elk roast with potatoes and carrots and played card games. The kids were able to spend a lot of time with their cousins.

I had hoped to go to Bryce Canyon National Park today on our way home but I checked the weather and it was supposed to be cold and windy. We were not prepared for those conditions. Instead, after a slow start we stopped in Cedar City to watch the movie "Cinderella". It was okay, but the kids seemed to enjoy it. Actually, everyone except Noelle enjoyed it. She was super fussy. Rinar held her in the hallway and she ended up falling asleep on his shoulder. That worked out okay, I guess. I suppose bad weather was good because it enabled us to have a wonderful visit with Rinar's cousin Jenny. She lives in Parowan and is deathly ill. Jenny just found out that she has cancer and it is spreading at a horrendous rate.  She found out a few months ago, but as a few weeks ago the doctor told her she has about a week to live. But after two weeks, she is still here. What a blessing it was for us to be able to visit with her. She seems to be in really good spirits. Maybe this is why she is still here. Her mother Carma is with her and she has had tons of visitors. Rinar's family is truly amazing. I don't think any of my family would do what they have done for her. I am in awe. We took this picture right before we left and said our goodbyes. I know that we will see her again.

I guess this past week has been a time for goodbyes.  Goodbye Jenny and Grandma C. We know we will see you soon. God be with you till we meet again.

Singing With the Angels

No funeral gloom, my dears, when I am gone,

Corpse-gazings, tears, black raiment, graveyard grimness.

Think of me as withdrawn into the dimness,

Yours still, you mine.

Remember all the best of our past moments and forget the rest,

And so to where I wait come gently on.

-Ellen Terry

I got the call this morning at 7:34 a.m. It was Rinar. It happened. His father has passed out of this world and gone back to his heavenly home.

Rinar spent all of yesterday with his parents. And then he stayed at their house. Linda went to sleep and Rinar stayed up with his dad, giving him pain meds. At 1:00 a.m. he went to sleep. Lynn had labored, uneasy breathing. So Rinar set his alarm for 2:30 a.m. to get up again and give him another dose of pain medication. When the time came, it was very quiet. He was gone.  Between the hours of 1 and 2:30, Lynn passed away.

Rinar had to call all of his siblings to break the news. Everyone came over quickly and once all five children were there, they awoke Linda to tell her. Then they stayed up all night crying, laughing, sharing stories and memories.

Rinar waited until morning to call me. I told Julia first because she was awake in my room. Her little blues eyes got sad and she had a little frown. It was very sweet. Then I told all of my other children. 

Throughout the day, a lot of neighbors and friends stopped by Linda's house to wish her well and offer her their condolences. I got many heartfelt messages of comfort from our friends as well. 

At home, we had a regular old day. But around dinner time, Julia came up to me out of the blue and asked me how long it takes to get to heaven.  She asked that question several times. I guess she has been thinking about him all day.

Linda has asked Raef and Zach to play "Consider the Lilies of the Field" for his funeral service. It was Lynn's favorite song. I heard him perform it many times. He had a beautiful baritone voice.

And now he is singing with the angels.  Rest in peace Grandpa Lynn. We love you so much and know that we will see you soon.

All We Have is Time

Last week, Rinar's dad was admitted to ICU after a fall at his house. Linda couldn't help him and so she had to call 911. He was intubated and the prognosis was grim. He did this before about 3 years ago and now he is back to where he was, but three years older and more sick than ever. Rinar was in California when it happened and scheduled an earlier flight home. Then he went to St. George to spend more time with his dad.

Then it was back to work again this week. Rinar's dad had stabilized and we were waiting to see what would happen. They sent him to a rehab facility in town and it has become quite clear that he is not getting better. Reality is starting to set it here. 

Lynn is dying.

In the past 24 hours he has gotten progressively worse. Rinar and I have talked about this for many years, trying to come to a place of understanding, this eventuality. And now it is here. His time on earth is coming to an end. You think you can prepare for it, but I don't think you really do.  Death is so final. It will be a long time before we will get to see him again.

Rinar is going to come home early tomorrow again. He is in California once more. He will fly in in the morning and then head down to St. George. 

They have released Lynn from the hospital and sent him home with hospice care. He is still on a catheter and is in a hospital bed. He will probably never walk again.

Rinar is really sad right now. I am sad and I am especially sad for my husband.

What is time?
Is it the autumn leaves that change?
Or the snow that floats from the sky

What is Time?
Is it the air we breathe?
Or the wings that teach 
The new born bird to fly

Who can tell? 
I don’t know
Will we change?
Will we grow?

What is time?
Is it eternity
In heaven
Or just a hope for peace on earth

Where’s the time
Gone in a blink of an eye
But with every blink
a birth

We live
We learn
We love
In time
We give
We yearn
We grow

In time

Time for change
Its time to care
It’s not too late
Don’t despair
Reach inside your heart

To find the joy the love
To share with all mankind
For all we know

All we have
Is time

-Billy Porter