Singing With the Angels

No funeral gloom, my dears, when I am gone,

Corpse-gazings, tears, black raiment, graveyard grimness.

Think of me as withdrawn into the dimness,

Yours still, you mine.

Remember all the best of our past moments and forget the rest,

And so to where I wait come gently on.

-Ellen Terry

I got the call this morning at 7:34 a.m. It was Rinar. It happened. His father has passed out of this world and gone back to his heavenly home.

Rinar spent all of yesterday with his parents. And then he stayed at their house. Linda went to sleep and Rinar stayed up with his dad, giving him pain meds. At 1:00 a.m. he went to sleep. Lynn had labored, uneasy breathing. So Rinar set his alarm for 2:30 a.m. to get up again and give him another dose of pain medication. When the time came, it was very quiet. He was gone.  Between the hours of 1 and 2:30, Lynn passed away.

Rinar had to call all of his siblings to break the news. Everyone came over quickly and once all five children were there, they awoke Linda to tell her. Then they stayed up all night crying, laughing, sharing stories and memories.

Rinar waited until morning to call me. I told Julia first because she was awake in my room. Her little blues eyes got sad and she had a little frown. It was very sweet. Then I told all of my other children. 

Throughout the day, a lot of neighbors and friends stopped by Linda's house to wish her well and offer her their condolences. I got many heartfelt messages of comfort from our friends as well. 

At home, we had a regular old day. But around dinner time, Julia came up to me out of the blue and asked me how long it takes to get to heaven.  She asked that question several times. I guess she has been thinking about him all day.

Linda has asked Raef and Zach to play "Consider the Lilies of the Field" for his funeral service. It was Lynn's favorite song. I heard him perform it many times. He had a beautiful baritone voice.

And now he is singing with the angels.  Rest in peace Grandpa Lynn. We love you so much and know that we will see you soon.

All We Have is Time

Last week, Rinar's dad was admitted to ICU after a fall at his house. Linda couldn't help him and so she had to call 911. He was intubated and the prognosis was grim. He did this before about 3 years ago and now he is back to where he was, but three years older and more sick than ever. Rinar was in California when it happened and scheduled an earlier flight home. Then he went to St. George to spend more time with his dad.

Then it was back to work again this week. Rinar's dad had stabilized and we were waiting to see what would happen. They sent him to a rehab facility in town and it has become quite clear that he is not getting better. Reality is starting to set it here. 

Lynn is dying.

In the past 24 hours he has gotten progressively worse. Rinar and I have talked about this for many years, trying to come to a place of understanding, this eventuality. And now it is here. His time on earth is coming to an end. You think you can prepare for it, but I don't think you really do.  Death is so final. It will be a long time before we will get to see him again.

Rinar is going to come home early tomorrow again. He is in California once more. He will fly in in the morning and then head down to St. George. 

They have released Lynn from the hospital and sent him home with hospice care. He is still on a catheter and is in a hospital bed. He will probably never walk again.

Rinar is really sad right now. I am sad and I am especially sad for my husband.

What is time?
Is it the autumn leaves that change?
Or the snow that floats from the sky

What is Time?
Is it the air we breathe?
Or the wings that teach 
The new born bird to fly

Who can tell? 
I don’t know
Will we change?
Will we grow?

What is time?
Is it eternity
In heaven
Or just a hope for peace on earth

Where’s the time
Gone in a blink of an eye
But with every blink
a birth

We live
We learn
We love
In time
We give
We yearn
We grow

In time

Time for change
Its time to care
It’s not too late
Don’t despair
Reach inside your heart

To find the joy the love
To share with all mankind
For all we know

All we have
Is time

-Billy Porter

Dad is Coming Home

They finally made a diagnosis for Rinar's dad: abeta amyloid angiopathy.

Say what?!?!?!?

Yes, it is a rare disease and it has only been diagnosed in one other person, some guy in Italy. The good news is that they have a better idea on how to treat it, but we really don't know much because it is rare. Now he is doing so much better, and his mind is lucid. We are very grateful.

Since he is able to do more things on his own, it looks like he will be able to transfer back home within the week. Rinar is on his way home right now and he is stuck in a snowstorm somewhere near Beaver. So, the bad news is that he will be home late and I will put the kids to bed on my own.

Sorry I haven't been posting stuff this last little while. I am a hermit at the moment. We dug in the trenches and did lots of school work and I completed sewing project that turned out totally awesome.

I hope to be back in full-swing soon. Love you all.

Good News?

Is it good news when they don't really know what it is?

About a dozen doctors met today to discuss Rinar's dad and his medical condition. The consensus? Well, it is definitely NOT gliomatosis cerebri. Great news. Really what we have been hoping and praying for this past week. Thanks to all of you for your prayers and thoughts. It is greatly appreciated.

But what is it? They don't really know. They are sending a sample of the tissue to the Mayo clinic. Apparently there is a world-reknowned expert there who will be able to make a diagnosis...hopefully! They did use the word amyloid. Unfortunately, now he has to get a spinal tap. I think they are trying to beat him up: lung biopsy, brain biopsy, spinal tap. Yikes. Poor dad.

But he is in good spirits and so is Rinar's mom. Rinar is coming home today. Is it selfish for me to say "Yippee!"?

That is all I know, and now you know.

Have a great day and cherish the ones you love. Time spent with family and friends is time well-spent.