Being Real

This blog I am about to write has been a long time in the making.  I have been tortured and haunted by it for months, so I am going to just write it down and put it out there.  It is not meant to offend anyone, but it may.  This comes from my heart.
 
505.
 
I looked yesterday on Facebook and saw that I had reached a staggering count of 505 "friends". Wow!  Amazing, right?  Wrong.  I have been burdened by this for a long time and I only now just started to realize what I have been doing to myself.  Yes, I used the word burdened.

 It has been a burden.

I have an addictive personality when it comes to some things, and Facebook just happens to be one of those things.  I can't stop looking at it. I read everything on it, multiple times a day. It is really kind of voyeuristic.  I can peep into other peoples lives with very little effort on my part. It is a fraud.  There have been good parts that have been uplifting (like pictures of kids and stuff), but on the most part it frankly disturbs me. 

I have learned things about people whom I thought I knew, things that I realized I didn't want to know.  This mainly would concern "friends" positions on politics and social issues. I am the kind of person who cares deeply about these things and I can get stressed out about things that I know I have absolutely no control over in any way.  But that does not stop me from masticating on it for months on end until I can to come to some "happy" place.

I don't say anything, or at least I try very, very hard to restrain myself and not say anything so as not to be contentious.  Contrary to what some people might think, I do not have a desire to be contentious with anyone. I have worked very hard in my adulthood to come to this place, as it has definitely been one of those weaknesses to overcome.  I am not there yet, but believe me, I have come a long way. You can ask anyone who went to high school with me, and they can attest to this fact.

But I look on Facebook, and I am bombarded with bull crap. I don't fight back. I don't say anything. It makes me angry, and then it just makes me sad.

I don't want to be a person with two personalities, the church Kelly who puts on the church face and then when I am online, the claws come out.  I want to be me, all the time, 100%.

I don't want to have secret animosity towards people, because in public we put on a good face because we are not allowed to talk about these things face to face, but then online it is all out war.  I can't take it anymore.

I want to clearly tell everyone exactly who I am.

1. I am a Mormon.

     - I love my religion. I have a deep and abiding testimony of it. It is everything to me, the most important thing that I have. It is more important to me than my marriage, than my children, than my social standing.  God comes first. Period. Fortunately for me, my husband feels EXACTLY the same way.

2. I am a Conservative.

     - I have a deep and abiding love for freedom. I will not apologize for this or feel bad about it. Government is not the solution to our problems. Government IS the problem.  Any political belief that I have will fall consistently within this framework.

3.  I am a Homeschooler.

     - I take responsibility for my children and their education. Yes it is hard and I wish there was an easier way, but there is not. I don't want any sort of government program to help me in this journey I have embarked on, so don't even bother suggesting it. I will politely smile and nod my head and continue on my road less traveled. But please feel free to send your kid anywhere you want to because I could care less.

So yesterday, I did the most liberating thing I am capable of doing at this juncture in my life... I went through my friends list and started a great purge. I knew every single person on there and consequently, I really like pretty much all 505. But as I looked at each person individually, I evaluated what my true relationship was with them. Was it meaningful? Was it helpful? Was it uplifting? Did it have some kind of purpose?

When I was in high school, I had no close friends at all. I was quite isolated because of the choices that I made and  because of who I am.  I was the only active Mormon at my school in a very Southern Baptist North Carolina.  This probably had a lot to do with it, plus the fact that I was pretty obnoxious.  I have always had an insecurity about friends.  Because I never had any, I have tried to overcompensate in my adulthood. My priorities have been a bit skewed.

Facebook has only exposed my insecurities. I was desperate to have as many friends as possible in as many spheres as I could conjure.  What surprised me was when I reconnected with people from high school on Facebook, how many would actually be my friend when they didn't say two words to me in my school years.

It dawned on me that people are just as insecure as I am when it comes to this issue. How many friends can I get? Do I have more than this guy or that schmuck over there?

A voice kept whispering to me that it just didn't matter, but I was feeding on my insecurities. 

But I did it yesterday and I feel so much lighter.  As it stands right now, I am at 164.

This is probably still too many people. And if there are "friends" that I took off, it doesn't mean that I don't like them or that I am mad at them. It just means that I am saving my space for people who add something to my life right now.

I have gotten lazy at fostering and nurturing relationships with people. I don't want to be that way anymore.

I know I should probably just delete my account and not go on anymore, but I think I need to wean myself off of it. Plus, I feel like the 164 on there are people who know me and will be okay with me just being me. I am unfettered. I won't have to be contentious, I can just be real. And that is who I am.

A Blind Adventure

As the summer is winding down, I am trying to think of things to do with the kids that capitalize on outdoor adventures. Yesterday ended up being one of those days.

 

After we woke up yesterday, it was time to hit the road because I think we were all going house crazy.  We headed south on the newly opened freeway to Carson City.  Then we stopped at Mill Park to play for a few minutes. After the slide and swings, Zach got everyone, including me, to play Duck Duck Goose. It was a lot of fun.

 

We  then stopped at Raley's to get some food and continued south through Genoa and then up the Kingsbury Grade (which has incredible views of Gardnerville) to Heavenly and Lake Tahoe.  Finally, I found a little treasure at Taylor Creek.  There was a neat walking trail that was about a mile, if that. It wound around a wetland area. At the back of the trail was a building that was half in the ground. When we went inside, it was an aquarium of sorts, where the glass exposed the pond.  We could see trout swimming around and the kids loved it.

 

Here they are splashing sticks in the little pond.

 

 

As we continued on the trail, a bit of it was a boardwalk where the ground was too marshy.  But Raef spotted a frog, so we stopped to take a look.  We finally started to realize that there were 3 or 4 dozen frogs right there. That was pretty cool.

 

At the end of the trail, we enjoyed this view.  Emerald Bay is in the background.

 

 

We continued on our journey and did stop at the vista point at Emerald Bay for a few minutes.  It is spectacular. If you are ever in this part of the world, it is a must-see stop.  Of course, I didn't take a picture, but trust me. It is incredibly beautiful.

 

With the help of lots of treats and crunchy things, our little surprise expedition was a success.

Gymnastics Fun

All my little kids were able to go to gymnastics this week and let me tell you...they LOVED it.

 

There were more kids than last time, so they split the class up into two little groups.  Harry and Julia went with the younger group and Eli was with the older kids.  They did lots of bouncing and somersaults and balance beams and stuff.

 

 

 Harry and Julia kept busy doing lots of things.  Julia didn't like the balance beam, but she loved the slide.  So when she would get to the balance beam, she would stop and backtrack to the slide.  Yes, she was a bit of a stinker.

 
Eli was able to do flips around the bar.  He also liked doing handstands against the wall.

 
But his favorite was the last activity where they swung on the rings.  The instructor had him keep his legs up as he swung back and forth.  He did a great job.

Tahoe Rim Trail at Mt. Rose

One of my bucket list things to do this summer was to take my boys on a long hike.  I finally made it happen on Tuesday.  We drove to the summit at Mt. Rose and did a loop hike on the the Tahoe Rim Trail.  The boys were happy to go.  We brought a lunch and lots of water and set out on a wilderness adventure.

 

I made sure to wear my GPS watch so I could see how far the hike was.

 

At first, Raef was thrilled to be on the trail, and Zach was not so happy.  It might have been because I made them both carry the backpacks.  I didn't realize that Zach had the heavy one, as I had inadvertently put all three waters in his pack.  I kept telling him to quit whining and keep going.

 

Yes I really am a slave driver.

 

At the junction where the trail splits at 2.5 miles, there was an awesome little waterfall.

 

And the view was fantastic!

 

 For some reason, I thought the waterfall was the halfway point.  As we headed back, there was a deer in our path.  She winked and said hello and then sauntered down the steep hill after another deer came out of nowhere and shooed her off. It was really quite bizarre.

 

After most of the water had been consumed and the pack was lighter and cookies were in the belly, Zach was in a lot better frame of mind. He was telling jokes and saying funny things to me, as Raef was lagging behind, sulking because it was just too far. It was a complete reversal.

 I could finally see the road and realized that we probably had at least another mile to go.  I thought it was going to be a medium 5 mile hike, but I knew we were not going to be that fortunate. 

And then, kersplat!  Zach completely biffed it and did a face plant into the gravel.  Then it was just all over.  He was miserable and couldn't go on another step.  I really had to put on the mean, suck it up and quit whining face with both of them.  There was no way I was going to carry either one of them back!

Luckily, when the GPS clocked in at 6.08 miles, we were at the car. 

Now, if I want to strike fear into the hearts of my dear boys, all I have to do is say the H word, and they are begging for mercy.

Thoughts on Running

For the past few months, I have once again been training for a marathon.  I have always wanted to do the St. George Marathon and on a whim, I put my name into the lottery.  I got a little nudge from Bart, who was visiting from Utah with his family for the weekend.  He was like, "Just put your name in."  So like an idiot, I did.

I ran 16 miles this morning. I got up at 4:40am to get it done, because Rinar is running the marathon as well and has to run the same long run as me.

 I never actually thought my name would get selected.

What I would like to know is...

Where was the other person sitting next to me when I foolishly put my name in to slap me across the head and say, "What the h--- are you thinking? Have you lost your freakin' mind?"

Where was that person?

An Almost Naked Parade

We had to get out of the house today.  A week of being sick totally sucks!  After a quick trip to Costco, we headed over to the Discovery Children's Museum.  It was a good place to go for an hour or so. 

When we went downstairs, the kids started playing in the water. Of course, all of the clothes started to get really wet.  So, I pulled Harry's shirt off to avoid unnecessary soakage.  Right after, Julia came up to me and asked me to take her clothes off.  I pulled her shirt off and then turned my back to help Harry with something.  When I turned back around, her skirt and underwear were around her ankles.  Whoa, girl.

Luckily, I caught it before she made a naked parade through the gallery.

Harry the Gymnast

Last week I signed up all three of my little kids for a gymnastics class. Unfortunately, today Julia and Eli were too sick to attend.  So Harry got to go all by himself.  And boy oh boy, did he have a good time.  Raef and Zach went with us and really enjoyed watching him as much as I did.

I took him out there onto the mat, and after getting him going with the warm-up running routine, he didn't need me anymore.  He did a great job following directions and standing in line.  Harry was just plain adorable.  Of course, any chance he go,t he was looking over at us, so we made sure to send him a copious amount of waves and thumbs-up.

The gymnastics instructor had them do a circuit with a large trampoline that ended at a foam pit.  They would bounce down the trampoline and then jump into the pit.  After that, they climbed out and then did a somersault down a slanted mat, then through a little tunnel and a little trampoline, and back to the end of the line. After Harry's first run, he decided he liked it so much, he just went to the front of the line again. The other kids looked concerned and he just gave his little stinker smile, the one where he knows he is being naughty but he is pretty sure he will get away with it.  Of course, it didn't last long and once the teacher saw where he was, she put him back in his proper spot.

At the end, he had to walk on balance beams.  The first one was pretty darn scary for him and when she got him going and turned her back, he just lunged for her and held on for dear life. My boy is a trip.

I can't wait to see my other two in action. It should be a lot of fun.